I think every story in my life starts “I read this book..” and proceeds to tell of what happened when I acted on what I had read. I didn’t grow up with conscious awakened people. I was trained to fear God, be guilty, and beware of too much happiness and joy. I knew I was alone and that I was flawed in some terrible way that made it impossible for me to ever gain heaven.
It wasn’t until I was an adult and feeling desperate that I began to let go of the ‘truths’ I had been taught and found courage enough to believe something other than what I’d been taught. I was terrified to go to sleep for fear of death and a lost eternity. I still can see me in my bedroom alone crying and praying that I could find something to give me hope.
It seemed an extremely slow and tedious process as I picked my way through counseling, self help groups, books and experiences. I was able to get off antidepressants, gain self confidence and find within myself a determination to understand why I was on this earth. I was pretty angry with the God of my understanding so I had to find another source of hope.
I was married and had two children before I started my conscious journey to self discovery. These poor kids have been drug to a lot of groups and witnessed my tears many times growing up. However they were so instrumental to the process, they were the one thing I knew had value in my life and I refused to let them repeat my life. I am eternally grateful for every moment of their lives.
My story isn’t one of perfection or great breathtaking moments of beauty and earthly love. I was married once and have had a few relationships in my life, but I’m still single after more than 20 years. If you are looking for answers of marital bliss, I suggest you look elsewhere. My story is one of persistence and determination in a consistent upward movement to the Light.
In no way believe my story is finished, but I feel it has the ability to affect others to find self love and the freedom to rest in a tranquil state of mind.
I define Hope as the “The Promise of things unseen.” This is my story of Hope.